


Rolls Eyes And Groans

by This_Is_Alias



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Funny, Humour, Jokes, Short Stories, lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 07:18:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2499332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Is_Alias/pseuds/This_Is_Alias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short collection of Team Fortress 2 jokes. Stupid, stupid stories that make you groan and roll your eyes or facepalm. Seriously. The last few are real bad, just warning you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rolls Eyes And Groans

**Author's Note:**

> Had to do this.

Pyro wasn't sure what Heavy would want for his birthday. It needed to be something Heavy liked and would make him smile. He couldn't get sandwiches - half the team was already doing that.  
So, on Heavy's birthday - Pyro presented Heavy with a lighter and watched Heavy's face light up when he turned it on.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scout: How would you know when you are going to drown in Jarate?  
Sniper: When you can't move and the jarate is coming past your eyes.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Non, non! This ees terrible!" Spy cried as he relentlessly tugged at his hair. (Wait... he has hair? Ah, never mind)  
"What's wrong, private?" Soldier barked, noticing his team mate's frustration/  
"A cheese factory got bombed up in France!"  
Soldier took half a minute to process it and replied, "Well, I guess there's de brie everywhere now."  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"What you doing, Spy?" Medic asked casually as he watched the runner fill a hole with soil using Soldier's shovel.  
"Burying my spycrab. Eet died this morning."  
"Oh, I'm sorry."  
"Merci, Medic."  
"Isn't that hole a little too big for your crab?" A little doesn't even cover it. Medic thought wistfully.  
Spy whirled around, gripping the shovel tightly, eyes blazing and almost breathing out fire. "THAT EES BECAUSE HE EES INSIDE THE STOOPEED DEMOMAN!"  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Medic had an oncoming headache. Demoman and Soldier were fighting again, pummelling the sense out of each other. Scout was running around in circles, hooting. And Pyro was setting the furniture on fire.  
"I wish I could put them for adoption." Medic sighed, rubbing his temples.  
"You are crazy." Spy said.  
"Yes, I know. They are my team members and I shouldn't say such..."  
"No, not that. You are crazy to think that anyone would adopt them!"  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Soldier: Medic, I want to know what happened to Demoman after he accidentally swallowed the dollar-coin.  
Medic: Well, there’s no change yet.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Sniper: Medic, Oi can’t stand this place anymore! Help me get out of here! Oi can’t fight this stupid war no more!  
Medic: Okay. Come to my office every morning, including tomorrow’s and I’ll help you. Gulten Night, Herr Sniper.  
A few days later…  
Sniper: Medic, ya have taken away my arm, my heart, ear, nose and spleen but nothing else has happened! Oi told ya I wanna go home!  
Medic: I am taking you home. Bit by bit.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Demoman and Sniper were roaring with laughter over something on the newspaper and Engineer was sure he heard the word ‘Texas’ pop up once or twice.  
Eventually, curiosity got the better of him and he went to check it out.  
NEW LAW IN TEXAS, the headlines said, you can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.  
(True law. Had to add it here.)  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scout: MEDIC, I HATE SOLDIER’S GUTS.  
Medic: Don’t complain and eat what’s on your plate, Herr Scout!  
(Oops… that’s kind of gruesome…)  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Wait… so swimming is supposed to help me loose weight?”  
“Ja, Engineer.”  
“Explain whales.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
JOB DESCRIPTIONS [according to Smosh]:  
Scout: The first one into the game and the first one to die.  
Pyro: For players who don't like to aim.  
Heavy: For players who don't like to move.  
Engineer: For players who don't like to play.  
Medic: The class everyone loves but no one wants to play.  
Spy: The class no one loves but everyone wants to play.  
Sniper: Is deadly with a gun... and even deadlier with a jar of his own piss.  
Demoman: The class brought in to give the game some diversity... because he's Scottish.

FIN~

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
